Five Notes on a String: February 17th, 2012

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Every Friday, I’ll post this collection of thoughts accumulated over the past week, so named because it gives a perfectly arbitrary number limit to the amount of this rambling madness. And I won’t even mention Jeremy Lin. Beyond that time.

• There is a well known NBA tradition every February, filled with unwanted pageantry, interminably bland events and a meandering, if occasionally entertaining, trifle of an exhibition at its center; unrecognized by most of the public, though, remains that other winter-time custom that accompanies All-Star Weekend: the yearly moan of the occasional-NBA-fan-columnist. When these pillars of sports condescend to talk about this lowly sport and its annual showcase of its best talent, invariably looking over the Saturday night competitions’ (the Dunk Contest and Three-Point Shootout, obviously. Are there others?) talent, the result always amounts to some polemic decrying the fall of NBA basketball, the lack of talented competitors in these events and, if he or she is worth her salt as a national columnist without a clue, probably LeBron James. This annual group crowing session has come out in full force in 2012, particularly since the players involved in this year’s Dunk Contest were announced, and I feel as if something needs to be said. I will certainly not defend this upcoming celebration of blandness, one which I will undoubtedly watch and report to my friends as “aight”; even less so do these retread columns deserve our respect, or even tolerance. No, I simply don’t understand why we can’t accept the boredom of it all, letting it wash over us like Saturday morning cartoons on sugar-addled children. No benefit can be had by poking and prodding at the rampaging, hulkish cash cow that is the All-Star Weekend, so why not learn to tolerate it, lumps and all? As David Stern won’t be Goodelling the All-Star Game anytime soon, we should learn to love our Paul Georges and James Joneses; they’re all we’ve got.

• It might be strange to claim that a team with the league’s best record has had a quiet season, but could anyone accuse the Chicago Bulls of being particularly noisy this year? Besides inserting themselves into the Dwight Howard trade talks, the Bulls have found a reasonable, boring path to 25-7, one that’s reliant, as their success was last year, on an exacting, painstakingly executed defense. So, much of the same can be expected, right? Another Conference Finals burnout after a respectable run by the kids in the Windy City? The thing is, this team is very different from last year’s. In the last season, the Bulls enjoyed a ridiculous run of good health, much like the Thunder have for a few years now. Instead, this season has seen Chicago’s two best players, Derrick Rose and Luol Deng, miss a combined 17 games between the both of them; the team’s record in Rose, the reigning, if not justified, MVP’s absence? 7-2. Last season, while the Bulls’ defense, as constructed by Tom Thibodeau, carried the team’s 12th ranked offense, the Rose-only show kept the team (more than) afloat while new additions Carlos Boozer, Ronnie Brewer and Kyle Korver tried to fit into the offensive scheme. The 2012 Bulls, though, have been a wholly different beast: an efficiency monster on the offensive side of the ball, featuring some of the league’s best turnover ratios (3rd best leaguewide), assist ratios (2nd) and rebound rates (1st, along with a league-best mark on the offensive glass). Rather than being carried by the team’s still-remarkable defense, the Chicago offense has now found itself among the league’s premiere scoring machines, scoring at the league’s second-best clip of 105.9 points per 100 possessions. Those awaiting another Miami waltz to the title might just be surprised to find that the Heat may meet their match on both sides of the court come May.

• If one cheers for a team to continue an epic losing streak, is he or she truly a masochist? Who doesn’t want to see the Bobcats put up the worst record ever? Their two best players play the same position, one of whom is currently injured and the other posting a league-average PER. Maybe I’m not a monster? Maybe I just really want Anthony David to go to Charlotte? Maybe he’d like it there?

• Speaking of ridiculous streaks, the San Antonio Spurs currently stand atop the Southwest Division, riding high on a nine-game win streak that’s somehow coincided with their rodeo trip. Wasn’t this team supposed to crumble, if not after last year’s embarrassing fall to the eighth-seeded Grizzlies, at least after its best player broke his hand in this season’s fifth game? What gives? And as for those Grizzlies, were they too not supposed to fall in the standings with an impact similar to Zach Randolph tripping on a banana peel? These teams were supposed to clear the way for the Rockets’ ascendancy to the heights of the Western Conference, or at least a guaranteed playoff spot. Damn tenacious winning teams. Now, what is Houston going to do? Beat Oklahoma City or something?

• Seriously, Jon Leuer has a better PER than anyone on the Bobcats’ roster. Go ahead; look him up. I’ll wait. There are three Washington Wizards posting better efficiency numbers than anyone in Charlotte. THREE. One is JaVale McGee, king of all that is funny in basketball. Let’s take this in, people. In a season where the Rockets have been involved in two Chris Paul trades that didn’t happen, the Bulls are posting the second-best offense in the league, Andrea Bargnani’s been more than useful, Doug Collins is being referred to as a players’ coach, Chase Budinger is in the Dunk Contest and apparently something interesting is happening with the Knicks’ point guard situation, it’s nice to know one thing is going exactly as expected: the Charlotte Bobcats are horrifically, historically miserable. They’re like the world’s totem in this nonsensical lockout season.