Cap Backwards: List of recent transactions, or why the Celtics are cooked

I was unable to post last week due to a confluence of reasons, chief among them was studying for a test. Which made me think of the least favorite parts of school. Which made me think of how lucky it was to be a boy rather than a girl in high school (and in life, its science). Which made me think of my sister and how proud I am that she is about to survive (mentally) the grueling 4 year test of high school. Which made me think of how jealous I am that soon she will be rewarded with the paradise awaiting her in Rome, Georgia next Fall. Congratulations, Tay, enjoy the next 4 years knowing that you will meet more people and make more friends than any other similar time span of your life.

As for the Rockets, nothing much seems to be going on. Except for this momentous late season run encapsulated perfectly by GM Daryl Morey via Twitter via Rahat:

since 2/24 we have been 11-4 w/the best offense & 11th best defense (5th off/23rd def prior to 2/24)

This was no more evident than during the Boston Beatdown a couple Fridays ago at the Toyota Center, which I had the pleasure of watching in person next to my friend Kevin.

Kevin is from Brownsville. Kevin is an Astros and Cowboys fan as is natural for a Texan with professional sporting interest raised in a town outside of the 35-45-10 Triangle (a triangle with only 90 degrees! high school math jokes are the best).

However, for some asinine reason (bloodlines – his father is from Beantown), Kevin is a die hard Celtics fan. Case in point, to the Toyota Center he attired himself in his father’s original 1986 Celtics’ NBA Championship hat (which was won over what should have been the beginning of the Rockets’ Twin Tower dynasty) and early 1990’s design Celtics Polo – probably picked from the page adjacent to the Umbro page in the Jock Jams clothiers catalog.

Normally, I would have been more than mildly upset that I paid money to watch a supposed title contender (the Celtics) quit on the game as soon as the lead approached double digits. Given my friend’s obnoxious display of contrarian partisanship, I took extra relish in the 16 point drubbing.

The body language of the Celtics was especially pleasing: utterly hopeless. The lack of any fire or fight was encapsulated succinctly by Kevin: “They just gave up.” And they did.

Paul Pierce stopped taking the ball to the rim in the 2nd quarter, and eventually stopped looking at the basket entirely while shooting 20 foot fade-aways. Kevin Garnett did some barking but Chuck Hayes read his moves with the ease of a Bernstein Bears coloring book. Troy Murphy played like Brad Lohaus in the original NBA Jam, only everyone else was playing in NBA 2K11 on XBox 360.  Glen Davis was the only player in green to seem to care, but he got tossed into the crowd by Chuck Hayes for his effort.

Its needless to go on any further about why the Celtics appear to cooked, because trading Kendrick Perkins was akin to bathing in butter:

Jerry: Kramer!

Kramer: Oh, man. I think I cooked myself.

Jerry: Look at your skin.

Kramer: Stick a fork in me, Jerry. I’m done.

Courtesy of NBA.com, here is a list of the transactions in the month of March:

Monday, March 28
• Charlotte signed guard Garrett Temple for the remainder of the season.

Sunday, March 27
• Washington signed guard/forward Othyus Jeffers to a 10-day contract.

Saturday, March 26
• New Orleans signed forward Patrick Ewing Jr. to a 10-day contract.

Friday, March 25
• San Antonio signed forward De’Sean Butler and placed him on the inactive list.

Wednesday, March 23
• Houston signed forward Mike Harris to a 10-day contract.
• New Jersey recalled guard Ben Uzoh from Springfield (NBA D-League).

Monday, March 21
• Houston assigned center Hasheem Thabeet to Rio Grande Valley (NBA D-League).

Sunday, March 20
• Chicago signed guard John Lucas III and guard Jannero Pargo

Saturday, March 19
• Sacramento waived guard Luther Head

Thursday, March 17
• Charlotte signed guard Garrett Temple to a second 10-day contract.
• Golden State reassigned guard Jeremy Lin to Reno (NBA D-League).
• New Jersey named Andrew Schwartz vice president of partnership sales. Promoted Josh Pruss to vice president of partnership marketing.
• Washington signed guard-forward Othyus Jeffers to a 10-day contract.

Wednesday, March 16
• San Antonio signed guard/forward Danny Green.

Tuesday, March 15
• New Jersey assigned guard Ben Uzoh to Springfield (NBA D-League). Named Dan Lefton executive director of ticket sales.

Monday, March 14
• Portland signed center Chris Johnson for the rest of the season.

Wednesday, March 9
Denver signed guard Jerel McNeal to a 10-day contract.
• Toronto assigned center Solomon Alabi to Erie (NBA D-League).

Tuesday, March 8
• Denver signed coach George Karl to a three-year contract extension.
• Portland agreed to terms with coach Nate McMillan on a two-year contract extension.

Monday, March 7
• Charlotte signed guard Garrett Temple to 10-day contract.

Saturday, March 5
• Memphis signed forward Leon Powe.

Written by Connor Winn, ‘Cap Backwards’ is a discussion column on the NBA’s salary cap and its many intricacies.

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